i'm sick. for this year, i made a record of being sick for so many times. ugh. i hate this feeling. i feel so lethargic today when it was only yesterday that i managed to laugh and enjoy life. shite.

oooh. what i heard was something not surprising actually. i mean, taking a look at your records, this was something i expected. only that i'm pleasantly surprised you still have not taken matters into your hands as yet. you can twist your words, spread rumours around because obviously, you dont really give a damn about what outsiders might think, dont you? stop pretending to be angelic, because i'll have you defeated in a matter of short time. you're freaking getting on my nerves, not because of what you did, but because of what you never try to do. dont even dare pretend that me and you, we're the same. sorry to disappoint you but i have always been the better one of us. not in the things that people do see, but rather in things that matters. i've taken the fucking trouble to not talk about things, so i was fucking wondering, how the hell do the outside world knows about all this. maybe you can gimme the answer.

after eons, i managed to catch prison break last night. thats a bloody achievement for me, because it means i'm home early. hahahaha. i need a change in my life, and i'm so gladful someone is there to guide me along. i know its hard to change, but i'll really try my best. only thing is, i keep wondering if i can sustain it. i hope your efforts will not go down the drain.

Labels: that you are just a pretend.

i was kinda surprised that i did not blog for a long period of time, but then again, the same reason as always; i'm busy. alot has been happening, and by the end of the day i'm drained out of all my energy to actually update. truth be told, i actually wanted to close this blog down. but then i love showing my face off too much, so i decided against it.

okayy so actually on one of the past weekends, i went sentosa with a hott babe and 2 even hotter dudes. my only purpose was to get dark and spend time with them of course, but sadly, the dark part did not happened. so it gets me thinking, am i already too dark to notice any difference? hmm. so the day started with me going over the the babe's house and we went to bukit batok to meet one of the dude, and wait for the other dude. then it was lunch first, and we were in the water. it is super nice to relax and watched other silly acts. hahahaha! and when there is a nice camera around, what will happen? a typical duh, we cam-whored. pictures will be up soon, depending on my mood.

then we ate again, or rather only me and one of the dude ate. after that we went for a game of pool. or rather, the dudes had a game of pool. i'm sure most of you ppl have seen my game of pool, right? well theirs' is superb if you compared it to my normal horrendous pool skills. i vowed never to critisize any guy when it comes to a game of pool. take that as an advice people. then its a packet of famous amos for me, because i was simply craving for one, and home sweet home for me only. i was mathematically the youngest alright, so whaddya expect.

so what else? practically my days were spent with the babe. simply alot happened, and some stuff i dont find comfortable putting it here. but whatever it is, i'll always be there for anybody who needs me. it did not matter who, if i'm on your mind you know my number and i'll be by your side. just remember that.

school. well it doesnt really suck as much, now that mye is over. but the prospect of promos looms bigger than ever. collected my results, and i did well if compared to last year, but there is always room for improvement. damn my maths! gosh is there any potions that will make me love maths? i'll gladly give my heart and soul in return for payment. the fact will always remained that i did my very best for it, and still only managed a fail. big time, wtf.

to tell you the truth, i really miss you. okay fine, in this matter i admit i was the wrong one. but you understand dont you, that i have another heart to care about, another heart not to break? i'll always stand by my stand that you can always talk things out with me. to see you not being there, i naturally turn to another person. dont play mind games with me, i'll lose. my eq is exceptionally the lowest in the whole wide population of the world, so just be straight with me. dont bother about me getting hurt, because i hardly do. i mean c'mon, i'm the one who hurts people right? if you need my answers to your questions, logically i'm the best person for you to ask right? why go around one whole way to find out that it was never answered?

Labels: updates

i just reached home, and thanks to the White Chocolate Dream Ice Blended that nuriah do for me, i cant sleep. excessive caffeine i think. well anyways i slept over at her place yesterday night, because suddenly i felt like i wanted to and it just feels nice to be closer to him, like physically. i ate like super alot yesterday though. but whatever. watched Hancock with nuriah yesterday. super great movie, i'll give a rating of 4/5. talked as per normal. at the very least, i'm entertained by and with her. ohh yeah. the most important part of yesterday was that i had a new haircut. i did it with nuriah, who had her hair cut too. no pictures yet, because currently i'm so shy of myself. and dont laugh norfi. because i am shy too, at times i suppose.

so woke up pretty late. hang about watching tv on her hubstation to my heart's content. hahaha! ehh so long okayy no nickelodean, hbo, star movies, mtv, etc. then we bathed somewhere around late afternoon, and we went to have a few games of pool. it was a laugh, really. i suck at it, obviously. and i get worse by the minute. just how bad can i get larh. really idiotic. then went had fried mars bars with nuriah and her friend, dawirna. hmm. and then we went to her former workplace, millenia walk's coffee bean outlet. laughed, sing, or rather lip-sync to songs, gossips, talk. now we're at my place, wasting the night away.

anyways exams is finally over. mid-year only though. but whatever. i hope i did not screw up my last paper. i did it with the utmost concentration. it was plausible if you regard the fact that i only properly studied the moment when i'm in the train, otw to school. and guess who made me all happy? hahaha! yes yes yesssssssss! dear dear hottstuff. did not get to see him throughout the whole exam week. he missed me badly, i know.

i wanna meet my friends. before hectic school schedule starts all over again. you know my number; i'm literally a call away.

Labels: it was okay

280608; it was a wonderful night. kudos to all current members of sembwinds for doing so fantastically well, and rising up to the occasion as usual. it was definitely worth the time spent with you people, and seeing hard work paying off. to the sembwinds alumni, it has been enjoyable performing alongside you talented asses. hahaha! and to those who attended the concert, millions of thanks. to those who did not, nevertheless we still got that bit of profit, so thanks too. thank you to twin sista, mr bestfriend, nurul, nuriah, hafiz, norfidiana and azimah for coming.

well as usual in life, you dont always get the things you want right. sometimes, i wonder whether i should get what i need, or what i want. both of the needs and wants definitely tempt me more than anything else would. i dont know what nonsense am i talking about right now, but i hope the decision i am going to make will not ruin things further. i know myself for making hasty decisions, decisions that i will deeply regret in later part of my life. but really, isnt life about gambling with your choices?

i will never know which aspects in life should i be changing now. or which part is so perfect i should just leave it that way. i'm used to sleeping thinking about a particular stuff, that when abruptly its taken away from me, i'm quite lost. what am i suppose to think about? then when i wake up, its a stretch of endless blank.

i never wanted to see the end, regardless of what i say to nobody in particular. i've made my choice, but it feels like i'm still groping in the dark, wondering whether i made the right one. to not know whats my final destination sucks more. where would i end up, if this is the end that i choose?

there are, i hope, some blessings behind all this. maybe there is something planned in the future. i dont know, and i dont even know if i care to know. this is life. i'm sure no one better than you knows that life is not fair. all i'm asking is, from beginning to the end, why me?

Labels: this is just another phase of my life to be remembered.